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A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying - Bloodhound Gang
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Verse 1:
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled on into
Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a While. In fact three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that
midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this Hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of
Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well that night I lost myself To ruby red lips milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.
Chorus:
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Verse 2:
Well faster than you can say "shallow grave" this pretty little thing come up to me and starts
kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said "Well that's a coincidence darlin'
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled
Had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern and I went on to tell her how I would
wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance.
And Then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Chorus
Verse 3:
So Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says
"Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a
lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on
Santa Claus's tummy-tum?
"Well ten beers twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm
parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit
it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby Formula.
Chorus
Verse 4:
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The
Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb" when I saw
Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well my heart just dropped.
So I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the
One-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Chorus
Outro:
(till fade)
